Excuses

Monday 1/21/13 (5 degrees)

It is so f’ing cold out!  Why did we go out tonight!  Terrible-life-choice. 

Last time A was at Excuses he saw an awesome 80’s throw-back metal show!  Full of head-banging and back-to-back guitar playing; every awesome heavy metal cliché that you can think of.  That is what we were expecting: dark and smoky and dirty.  That is not what we got. 

Being that it was a Monday evening on Hoth, not many people were out and about.  We walked in and were able to find seats at the bar immediately.   We were greeted by a perky and engaging bartender who had hurt her arm and had it in a sling (tending bar with an arm in a sling is as difficult task as you can imagine).   There was a steady stream of regulars in-and-out each who were energetically greeted and fondly fare-welled.  You could tell she was a well-liked bartender especially when she had to go change a keg  and the whole bar had a good laugh about how everyone wanted to help her because she was hurt.  It was a prime example of how a good bartender can go a long way to creating a comfortable environment.

This bar has great kitsch.  Little things are all over that catch your eye and make you smile: a self-made PBR mini-fridge, a leg-lamp standing on a leg table, a “suck my d*ck” box (no clue what that is, but hopefully it involves a shark), and a pretty cool Excuses t-shirt.  It is nice and dim, except for the back dining room.  A dining room!  In Excuses!  But that is where we saw heavy metal!    I do not know if they still do shows there, but there is now a 9 table dining room with what looks like new tables and chairs and menus.  

Now don’t get us wrong.  This is still a dive bar with smoking, it just now seems to have a restaurant attached to the back.  They also have an assortment of late-night food conveniently posted at the entrance of the bar.  They also have a giant lottery machine in the bar, but we don’t really have anything to say about that.

All-and-all, it is clean and expensive for a dive-bar.  But I guess when you are in the South Side your standards are a bit skewed.  We would go back.  We might even try the food.  In closing, if you are ever in the South Side surrounded by a sea of douche-bags and sorostitutes and need to escape, this is probably a pretty safe bet.     

Address:	2526 East Carson, 15203 www.excusesbarandgrill.com	Games:	Video poker, lottery
Façade:	Scary (for SSide)	Scene:	Dive
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar food (plus fuller restaurant in back)	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	1970s Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	M-Sat:10-2am, Sun:11-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Average (cheap for SSide)	# taps:	24
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	Daily
Live music:	Sometimes	Riley Factor:	$8
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	4	Size:	Average

Monterey Pub

Monterey is the local Irish Pub in the Mexican War Streets section of the North Side. It is tucked away in the middle of a residential block; you wouldn’t happen upon this bar unless you already knew about it. The lighting was sufficiently dim. The booths were small and uncomfortable and big enough for only two people (or four very cozy people). The barstools looked equally uncomfortable but, as they were all occupied, we can only speculate. The bar was standard sized and very adequately stocked, with nice liquor and a typical Irish pub beer selection (Guinness, Smithwicks, Harp, etc).

The service was prompt and friendly (we kind of have a thing against bars that put their servers in uniforms, though; it makes it feel very generic). Our drinks were brought quickly to our table and when we discovered there were particulates of unknown origin in the bottom of the Jameson (and there were A LOT of particulates, we are not picky types) the server quickly replaced it with apologies. The menu is fairly standard bar food with the addition of some traditional Irish fare, including a variety of Boxty. Fair warning, though, the kitchen closes at 10pm, even on the weekends.

The bar seemed nice enough. It was just populated with exceptionally “normal” people. We struggled for a long time to define what type of bar it was. It was not yuppie: too many hoodies and sneakers (fricking trainers and North Face jackets, people, you must be stopped.). It definitely was not a dive. Even though they were playing pop-indie-rock, it was distinctly not an indie bar. It was just a bunch of middle-class white people who seemed to be having a really good time.

The longer we stayed the more we grew to vaguely dislike The Monterey Pub. Maybe this was just a case of high expectations, like seeing Napoleon Dynamite six months after it came out. Everyone said it was SO good, but we just didn’t get the vibe. It was our second attempt trying to go here as it was super packed the first time, and it was even pretty packed this time, so they really don’t even need us. We expected this to be the North Side bar we had been waiting for, but it was not to be. 

Address:	1227 Monterey St, 15212 http://montereypub.com/	Games:	No
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	yuppyish / normal
Parking:	Wear walking shoes	Patio/Outdoor:	Yes
Kitchen:	Come Hungry	Cleanliness:	Nice
Smoking:	No	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	-midnight/1am Fri-Sat	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Richie Rich	# taps:	8
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Some
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$12!  ($8 "Big Boy")
ATM:	No	Cash Only	No
TVs:	2	Size:	Normal

The Win Green Bar and Grill

If Dale’s Bar and Grill was transported here straight from the 1970s, then The Win Green came straight out of the 1950s.  And its patrons have been there the entire time.

Not a person in this bar was under the age of sixty and, we feel certain, none of them live beyond walking distance.  

It has the most basic beer and alcohol selection: two draft beers and no liquor beyond the Jameson’s/Tanqueray range.  It’s pretty much a home bar set up, really.  The bartender has an office chair behind the bar that he lounges in when not serving drinks.  The place looks and feels like a cross between an Elks Lodge and a cheap hotel bar from the 1950s.

Having said all of that, it was utterly charming.  Go ahead and picture a grandmother (yours, if she’s the type; J’s, if not) sitting on a barstool, drinking her High Life out of a tiny glass, smoking a Lucky Strike, sharing stories about what the neighborhood used to be like. That’s this bar.

They’ve got a limited bar food menu listed on a peg letter board that has likely never been changed: Ruebens, hamburgers, fried things.  Much like the booze selection, it’s nothing fancy.  

It might not be our scene right now, but, man, we are already thinking about retiring in Greenfield just so that we can make this our regular spot.  We are already warming up our stories about how things used to be, and shaking our heads at those darn kids.

Address:	601 Greenfield Ave, 15207	Games:	Bowling
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Yinzer, Dive
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar food	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	Yes	Jukebox:	Normal (Oldies)
Hours:	11-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	2
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	No
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$5.50
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	1	Size:	Hole-in-Wall

Rigg's Lounge & Restaurant

This bar definitely qualifies as a little scary looking on the approach.  It has a slightly abandoned feel and, when opening the outer door, there are three sketchy looking doors staring back at you.  Inside, though, it's just your typical yinzer dive bar, so have no fear.

It's definitely way past its heyday, but still pretty cute for what it is.  The padded booths are in good shape and are very comfortable.  The walls are covered in velvet flocked wallpaper, which is covered in years of dust and grime (A: Oh!  It's velvet! touch it!  J: I am NOT touching that.)  It's got a slightly lodgey feel, like so many of these places: wood paneling, fake stone on the wall in the backroom, sconces on the walls.

The crowd is a diverse mix of middle-aged locals.  There was an active game on the bar bowling table and you get the impression that those same guys play every night.  In fact, given the fairly sparse crowd on a Friday night, I'm guessing it is just the same group there all the time.

Drinks are cheap, but the selection is pretty lacking: no draft beers, mid-level liquor selection, domestic cans and bottles.  Someone did offer to sell us a banana for $1, but, other than that (and despite the name), we didn't really see any evidence of food service.  And I wouldn't want to count on the banana guy.

Address: 1208 Brighton Rd, 15233		Games: Darts, Magic Touch, Bowling
Façade: Scary		Scene: Yinzer Dive
Parking: Easy		Patio/Outdoor: No
Kitchen: None		Cleanliness: Normal
Smoking: Yes		Jukebox: Internet Crap
Hours: -2am		Cig Machine: Yes
Drink Prices: Dirt Cheap		# taps: 0
Bathrooms: Sit		Specials: No
Live music: Never		Riley Factor: $6.50
ATM: Yes		Cash Only: Yes
TVs: 2		Size: Normal