The Real Luck Cafe

The Real Luck Cafe, or Lucky's, is a weird little dive gay bar down on Penn Avenue. It’s near downtown, but still in the strip. The building is old  and marked by an unlit, duct-taped shamrock sign outside. You have to go around to a side door to get in, so it automatically seems sketchy.

Once you're inside, it's less sketchy, but just as divey. The downstairs bar isn't decorated much and has an old diner vibe to it. On a Monday night, we were the only people in the bar. The bartender wasn't what you would call friendly, but got us our drinks and they were cheap enough. There was popcorn on the bar and free wings on a side table, but I don't know if I would actually eat anything there. It's definitely still a dirty dive bar.

The upstairs bar has DJs and "Hot Male Nude Dancers" on most nights. On a dead Monday though, there were no naked men on the bar. It was just us, a bored bartender, and Mike and Molly on the TV.

Address:	1519 Penn Ave, 15222	Games:	Pinball, Poker
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Dive
Parking:	Easy at night	Patio/Outdoor:	Yes
Kitchen:	Pizza and Wings	Cleanliness:	Nasty
Smoking:	Some	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	4pm-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	4
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	Daily Special and Happy Hour
Live music:	DJs upstairs	Riley Factor:	$8.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	3	Size:	Normal

Crystal on Penn

This is a random little bar tucked away on Penn Avenue towards downtown, but still in the Strip. On the Monday we were there, there was a very serious Texas Hold ‘em tournament going on that filled up the entire back room. People were shouting rules and reminders and times and blinds, and one particularly obnoxious guy yelled "BOOM" and stood up whenever he won. It was all very serious.

At the bar, it was not any less weird. The older man at the end of the bar was counseling a friend to "never, ever, ever sell real estate." What if someone offers you 4x what your real estate is worth and then you use your massive windfall profit to buy more real estate? We find his theory to be flawed at the very least. In the same conversation there was also some shouting about a volcano. We’re amateurs, but we think that if there’s a volcano that you should definitely go ahead and sell that real estate.

We are beating up on this little place too much, so let's talk about the good. There are Hot Fries. You remember, the Andy Capp Hot Fries that you never see anymore. How Andy Capp became associated with Hot Fries we don’t know, but we both used to love them and hadn't seen them for ages. So if you are looking for your Hot Fries fix, Crystal's has got you covered. Also, the bartender was cool and was digging into a bag of Hot Fries herself.

The bar itself is average sized with average beer and average booze. It is nothing special. But if you stop in there one day, you might hear crazy loud phrases and terrible advice. There's a Volcano!

Address:	1211 Penn Ave, 15222	Games:	Magic Touch
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Slightly weird
Parking:	Easy at night	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Naormal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	11:30am-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	4
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Happy Hour 5-7
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$6.50
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	5	Size:	Hole in the Wall

Lefty's

Lefty's is one of the only true dive bars left in the strip. It's pretty much what you would expect. It's not filthy, but it's not especially clean. The drinks are cheap, but they're not fancy or varied. The two drink specials consisted of a “strong” island iced tea and red bull and vodka. There's a pool table and darts. Everyone there seemed pretty content to keep to themselves and drink their drinks.

The last time J was there on a weekend afternoon (errands gone astray with editor C), a girl came in, sat down on a stool, ordered a whiskey, and then fell right off of said stool. "I'm not even drunk," she said. Haven't we all said that lie at some drunken point? The bartender was quick and decisive: picked the girl up, put her on a couch, took away her whiskey, and got her water.


So, it might not be a fancy place, but they know what to do with your drunk ass if it falls over. That's always nice. Plus they have Coors Original which no one ever has. It's like the forgotten cheap domestic beer.

Address:	2021 Penn Ave, 15222	Games:	Pool, Darts
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Sports Dive
Parking:	Easy at night	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Nasty to Normal
Smoking:	Some	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	11am-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	0
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	"Strong" Islands
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$5.00 but really a strong single
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	>10	Size:	Hole in the Wall

Roland's

Roland's has been in the Strip District in one form or another since the 1940's, with the current building opening in 1959. It is enormous. It is probably more of a restaurant than a bar, but we were hungry and we have been there to just drink in the past. So we decided to stretch one of our rules. Don't judge us!

When you walk in there is a huge bar to the right of the door, which could probably sit 35 people if you forced us to estimate. We can't imagine a scenario where we would be forced to estimate such a thing, but work with us. It is not super bright, but not as dim as we prefer our bars to be. They have the standard bar liquor and an extensive beer selection. The menu is large and varied, and as we mentioned earlier, we were very hungry. J ordered a swordfish salad. A ordered the famous lobster roll, which was good (A is about to sound like a snob in 3, 2…), but not as good as ones he has had at road-side stands in Maine.

The bartender was very friendly and enthusiastic; very enthusiastic. A was forced to drink a Riley because the bartender was so excited about how strong and cheap a double jack and coke was at his place. A didn't even get a chance to explain that he didn't actually want one, he just wanted to know the price, which in the bartender's defense is an odd request. The drink was rather strong, as advertised.

Overall, this is a good place to stop at if you are in the Strip. There is a lot of space, the food and service are good and they have an amazing brunch. They have been open for 50+ years for a reason.

Address:	1904 Penn Ave, 15222 http://www.rolandsseafoodgrill.com/	Games:	Poker, Putting Green, Multi-cade
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Seafood
Parking:	Easy at night	Patio/Outdoor:	Yes
Kitchen:	Come Hungry	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	11am-12am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	40
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	3-6pm Happy Hour and Daily $5 specials
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$6.00 but really a strong single
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	>10	Size:	Friggin' Huge

31st Street Pub

We have a lot of fond memories of the 31st St. Pub. We've gone to a lot of great shows and drank a lot of cheap beer there over the years. It's a dive. It's punk. It's metal. It's dirty. There are drum heads and cymbals covering the ceiling, guitars along the walls and more Misfits posters than usual for a bar. J's husband once fell asleep on a speaker at a metal show there, literally, his head on the speaker. It's a favorite story. So, why did the place seem so sad and out of touch on our visit?

We are hoping that it was so sad and empty because there was no show. It's seems clear that people don't spend a lot of time there when there isn't a band. Walking in there is a sign on the wall with the schedule for "Underwear Afternoons." What's an underwear afternoon? Oh, look, your bartender is in her underwear. That's awkward. Every time you think you're just staring into space, you'll find you're actually staring at some poor girl's ass. It's weird. She seemed fine with it and we are hoping she is getting something extra for her efforts.  And by efforts, we mean ass.

Then there's the scrolling sign behind the bar that says, "Fuck gooski's, fuck the smiling moose, fuck cattivo, fuck garfield artworks..." going through every bar or show space in the city. We get that they're all cool and angry and shit, but that just seems like sour grapes.


So, it's still a great smoky dive bar to see a punk, metal, or industrial band play. It is not a good place to just sit around and grab a drink. Unless you’re a creepy creepster who likes to stare at girls in underwear, which is to whom they seem to be catering.

Address:	3101 Penn Ave, 15201 http://www.31stpub.com/	Games:	Darts, Video Game, Poker
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Metal Dive
Parking:	Fairly Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Nasty
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	Wed 3pm-9pm, Thur-Fri 3pm-2am Sat 9pm-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	6
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	No
Live music:	Constant	Riley Factor:	$8.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	2	Size:	Normal

Luke Wholey's

Oh Luke.  We think your eyes might have been bigger than your stomach. 

If you’ve ever been to the strip district and wandered around on a Saturday, Luke Wholey was that guy running the grill out in front of Wholey’s Fish Market.  He made a name for himself with that grill and created a buzz about his cooking.   So he did what most aspiring food lovers would do given the opportunity and the money, he opened a huge restaurant.  

Luke did a great job hiring someone who did a great job on this build out.  The space is really amazing.  It’s huge, open, and comfortable. There are fish bowls with real fish on the tables. There’s an upstairs lounge area where they were casting Ciroq girls, and a second upstairs bar that looks like it should be in a Disaronno commercial. The staff was friendly and attentive, even though they were dressed up like monkey butlers. We didn’t eat anything, but we’re pretty sure the food is at least good and we bet they get a discount on their fish.  

As nice as it is, though it does smell like fish in there, we’re taking bets on how long it stays open. There is just no way. If it does last more than two years we’ll, well...we’ll eat there or something. It’s so poorly conceived. The size and the space just seem like too much. Is it a bar with tables with a fish theme?  Is it a club with a restaurant with a fish theme? Is it a restaurant with a club attached with a fish theme?  All we know for sure is there’s a fish theme.

So, go check it out!  Hurry, before they close! 

Address:	2106 Penn Ave. 15222 http://lukewholeys.com/	Games:	None
Façade:	Fishy	Scene:	Yuppie
Parking:	Bearable	Patio/Outdoor:	Patio
Kitchen:	Come Hungry	Cleanliness:	Very Clean
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	No
Hours:	Tuesday - Thursday 11:30 am - 9:00 pm Friday & Saturday: 11:00 am - 11:00 pm Sunday: 11:00 am - 4:00 pm	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Pricey	# taps:	12
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Happy Hour Discounts
Live music:	Nope	Riley Factor:	$10.00
ATM:	No	Cash Only	No
TVs:	5	Size:	Friggin Huge

Harp and Fiddle

Who doesn't love a good Irish bar (truthfully, J doesn’t). We walked into this place, and there was, seriously, Irish folk dancing happening. They had live music, and a dance caller, and everything. Oh, the fun things you get to see as a bar blogger! Sadly, it was packed due to the dancing, and we had to come back after another bar. We really wanted to watch it, but sadly there were no seats. It was easily the most hysterical thing we have seen all month. The dancers were all very earnest and the caller was the most monotone person to ever hold a microphone.

The bar itself is nice. There is a large open floor space when you walk in, where the square dancing was taking place. We are sure it is normally filled with tables. The bar is elevated in the back of the space, with weird little nooks carved out for some tables opposite the barstools. They had the standard Irish beers that we felt obligated to drink.  They also had an appropriate whiskey selection for an Irish bar, and the bartender was a happy older fella in a Guinness shirt. So, 100% what you would expect from an Irish bar.

We guess we shouldn’t really waste anyone’s time going in to detail. It is an Irish bar. Do you want to go to an Irish bar?  If so, here it is; an Irish bar.

Address:	2329 Penn Avenue 15222 http://www.harpandfiddle.com/	Games:	Darts and Irish Dancing
Façade:	Irish Bar	Scene:	Irish bar.
Parking:	Bearable	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Come Hungry	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	None
Hours:	Tues-Thurs: 11:30am - 1am Fri-Sat: 11:30am - 2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	16
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	http://www.harpandfiddle.com/dailyspecials.html
Live music:	Friday and Staurday Night	Riley Factor:	$8.50
ATM:	No	Cash Only	No
TVs:	3	Size:	Average