The Rock Room

This bar really lives up to its name as long as your definition of rock does not include names like Creed, Hootie and the Blowfish, or Phil Collins (never inadvertently let Phil Collins into your city…inside joke). If your brand of rock is more Motley Crew, Ramones or Guns and Roses, this could be your place.

 Let's get the really obvious stuff out of the way first. The Rock Room is a giant dive. Dirty, grimy, smoky and nasty are just some of the adjectives that come to mind when trying to describe this bar. The bar, the stools, the walls, and the floor all have been abused and used to the edges of their lives. Thankfully, they keep it dim so you can't see how dirty it really is. The back room has so much fluorescent red light you might think you are in a very different type of seedy establishment. 

So, onto the good. It is super cheap and, ummmmm, the bartender was nice and attentive. That is about it.

We did however end up spending a good deal of time there as we had, all the way from the West coast, Master Dickie Brown along with us for our weekly crawl. We ended up having a good time, but this is our kind of place.

Address:	1054 Herron Ave, 15219	Games:	Pool, Darts, Pinball
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Hipster Punk Dive
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Nasty
Smoking:	Some	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	6
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	daily and nightly
Live music:	Sometimes	Riley Factor:	$7.50
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	3	Size:	Normal

31st Street Pub

We have a lot of fond memories of the 31st St. Pub. We've gone to a lot of great shows and drank a lot of cheap beer there over the years. It's a dive. It's punk. It's metal. It's dirty. There are drum heads and cymbals covering the ceiling, guitars along the walls and more Misfits posters than usual for a bar. J's husband once fell asleep on a speaker at a metal show there, literally, his head on the speaker. It's a favorite story. So, why did the place seem so sad and out of touch on our visit?

We are hoping that it was so sad and empty because there was no show. It's seems clear that people don't spend a lot of time there when there isn't a band. Walking in there is a sign on the wall with the schedule for "Underwear Afternoons." What's an underwear afternoon? Oh, look, your bartender is in her underwear. That's awkward. Every time you think you're just staring into space, you'll find you're actually staring at some poor girl's ass. It's weird. She seemed fine with it and we are hoping she is getting something extra for her efforts.  And by efforts, we mean ass.

Then there's the scrolling sign behind the bar that says, "Fuck gooski's, fuck the smiling moose, fuck cattivo, fuck garfield artworks..." going through every bar or show space in the city. We get that they're all cool and angry and shit, but that just seems like sour grapes.


So, it's still a great smoky dive bar to see a punk, metal, or industrial band play. It is not a good place to just sit around and grab a drink. Unless you’re a creepy creepster who likes to stare at girls in underwear, which is to whom they seem to be catering.

Address:	3101 Penn Ave, 15201 http://www.31stpub.com/	Games:	Darts, Video Game, Poker
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Metal Dive
Parking:	Fairly Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Nasty
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	Wed 3pm-9pm, Thur-Fri 3pm-2am Sat 9pm-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	6
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	No
Live music:	Constant	Riley Factor:	$8.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	2	Size:	Normal

Inn-Termission Lounge-CLOSED

To save us time, sanity, and to keep us from writing "this is a typical South Side bar" over and over, we're taking a different approach: haiku. Assume everything you know about the South Side to be true, our haiku will fill in the gaps.

Heavy-metal show
Bubble-hockey, pinball game
Poor signage, good bar

Address:	1908 East Carson St, 15203	Games:	Pool, Pinball, Bubble Hockey
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Punk
Parking:	Wear Walking Shoes	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	Some	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	10
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Daily
Live music:	Sometimes	Riley Factor:	$8.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	4	Size:	Normal

The Smiling Moose

If you had told us a few years ago that we would be enjoying delicious sandwiches inside the Smiling Moose, we would have assumed you were a crazy person who had mixed up the Smiling Moose with some other non-punk rock dive bar. Yet eating delicious sandwiches at the Smiling Moose is exactly what we found ourselves doing on a recent evening.

The Smiling Moose is definitely still a punk and metal bar. There are at least three versions of Pinhead behind the bar and you're still watched over by countless other horror movie posters. It’s just that now it’s a much nicer and cleaner version of a punk and metal bar; one that we are not terrified to eat in.

The downstairs bar is now non-smoking, which is great for eating food. It's had a nice paint job, new lighting, and there are new tables in the back. They've also really ramped up their beer selection. They have 24 beers on tap and a huge bottle selection. As far as the food goes it's a limited menu, but our sandwiches were, as mentioned above, delicious.

The upstairs bar opens at 9pm and has a pool table and arcade games. Most nights there are shows by bands that we are too old to know. Actually, we noticed that a lot of the shows are early in the evening and all ages, which is great. Hardcore music is a young person’s game, so it's nice of them to let the kids in.  

We always liked the Smiling Moose, it was one of our favorite happy hour stops for years. But we have to admit, it's nice that it's nicer. If you're down at that end of the Southside, you can enjoy a good beer and a delicious sandwich while Ministry blares on the jukebox and there's nothing wrong with that.

Address:	1306 E Carson, 15203 http://www.smiling-moose.com/	Games:	Arcade, pool
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Heavy Metal Beer Snob
Parking:	Wear Walking Shoes	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	11am-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	24
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Happy hour and 9-11
Live music:	Upstairs	Riley Factor:	$9.65
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	4	Size:	Normal

The Garage Door Saloon

J fully intended to rip this bar apart and destroy whatever it might stand for, but goddammit, it's actually a pretty great bar.

A lot of J's youthful follies took place in this bar back when it was The Next Decade. There were rock shows and birthday spankings. There were strip teases and bare asses on the stools. There were drugs and there was after hours drinking. There were probably a lot of other things that J just can't remember. The place was dirty and dark and smelled kind of bad. The pool table was so warped that anyone could win; a game of skill became a complete game of chance. It was cheap as shit and James made the best bloody mary in the city for when 4pm rolled around and you still really needed that bloody mary. To say that J has feelings about this place is an understatement. And nothing is more dangerous than a 30-something feeling nostalgic for her college bar.

So, screw this place for being so nice. Why aren't you terrible? Why are you so much better laid out, and cleaner, and all around nicer? If you were going to go that route, couldn't you follow through with some bourgie college grossness, at least? No, you had to keep the cool punk feel of the place and make it better. You had to expand the beer selection impressively, but still keep it cheap. Screw your brand new pool tables that people can actually play on, man! Dart boards? Well, isn't that nice? Actually, yeah, the dart boards are totally nice. Also, the hole in the wall where you can buy pizza from next door? The most genius thing I've ever seen in a bar that doesn't serve food.

Even the bartenders were adorable and super nice. They humored J's ramblings with aplomb and were knowledgeable about their beers. They also warned us that after 11 or 12 on the weekends, the place does get flooded with college kids. So, maybe we can go back then and really get our hate on. It really sucks how much we liked this bar.

Address:	223 Atwood St, 15213	Games:	Pool, Darts, Air Hockey
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Punk Rock College
Parking:	Wear walking shoes	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Nice
Smoking:	Some	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Cheap	# taps:	24
Bathrooms:	Average	Specials:	A lot, posted on the wall
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$6.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	8	Size:	Average

Belvedere's Ultra-Dive

We've avoided Belvedere's for a long, long time. Back in the day, we would occasionally go to the dance nights or shows when things first started moving there from Oakland, but we never really got comfortable in the new home of 80's night. The back room at Belvedere's is a little like hanging out in your parents' basement or at an Elks Lodge; with the wood paneling, drop ceilings, and old nasty couches thrown all over its huge back room. In this instance, though, your parents or lodge members are the worst junkies in the world and you shouldn't touch anything that they own.  However, as we settled in during our recent visit, we realized that we had never hung out at the actual bar at Belvedere's on a random night, and you know what? It’s not so bad.

The one really bad thing (and we'll get this out of the way before we say what is good) is you get hit in the face with a cloud of smoke when you walk into Belevedere's. It is 1970’s Pittsburgh in there. They need some sort of airflow, any sort of airflow. If you can adjust to the haze, it is not so bad. The bar is nice. The whole place is HUGE. The bar area has lots of room, but if you needed much, much more space, the back room is enormous.  

There is a whole other bar in the back room and a stage for bands (which sadly was the last hurrah for A's whiskey-driven rock-and-roll band, The Sporting Life...brought down by a wandering bass drum, who would have thunk).  The couches and chairs arranged in seating groups are still totally disgusting, though. Don't sit on them. There are pool tables and pinball machines, which are less disgusting and can be touched without feeling like you need a booster shot. It is big enough that they do a roller skating night called Down and Derby there. So, pretty big. 

They have all kinds of crazy shots: Canadian Breakfast, Chocolate Covered Pretzels, Rainbow Shot, and of course, the ever popular Pickle Back (which is a shot of Jameson followed by a shot of pickle juice; try it). In addition, they have a good selection of reasonably priced beers, and what seemed to be a friendly bartender.  The bar area was also much cleaner than we remembered. Like, a lot cleaner than we remembered. It is possible that they aren't really living up to the name "Ultra-Dive."

Now, will we go to the next 80's night there as a result of our visit? No. The idea of being packed into that space on a Friday or Saturday night is just not that appealing to us anymore. BUT, I think we might stop making fun of it so much, and maybe stop by for another drink one day.

Address:	4016 Butler Street, 15201  http://belvederesultradive.com/	Games:	Pool, Darts, Pinball
Façade:	Shady	Scene:	Dive Bar / Parents Basement Dance Club
Parking:	Wear walking shoes	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Normal - Covered in layer of smoke
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh at a Steel Mill	Jukebox:	broken internet crap
Hours:	Monday thru Sunday 11am - 2am	Cig Machine:	Did not see one.
Drink Prices:	Cheapish	# taps:	7
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	Daily Specials
Live music:	Yes	Riley Factor:	$7.50
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	1	Size:	Friggin' Huge!