Gooski's

If you have never been to Gooski's, please don't go.  It is for your own good.  Let us give you reasons why you should never go to Gooski's:

1)  It is in Polish Hill.  Polish Hill is, as its name suggests, a huge hill! It is scary and steep and you will probably die if you try to drive up it. So don't.

2)  Parking. It is terrible AND it's on hill. After you park you might have to walk up a hill. That sucks! There is a nice bar with a flat parking lot you can go to somewhere. Go there.

3)  It is really smoky. Like, you will be grossed out and reek of smoke the next day and probably get lung cancer and die. No need to put yourself through that.

4)  It is disgusting. Seriously. It is very dirty in there. Walk in and shine a flashlight on the ATM. We dare you. Actually, we don't. Don't go there. If you do, you will catch Hep C and die.

5)  The people. They will scare you. They are either old-time Polish Hill drinkers or young punks.  They may be grimy and dirty, just like the bar, and they might want to hurt you because you are not grimy and dirty. You should be scared to even walk in because you will probably get beat up by the people there and maybe die. And if you don't get killed by the smoke or the Hep C or the people, then watch out for the bartender for sure because...

6)  There are rules! You have to know what the rules are for ordering a drink. We are not going to tell you what they are. 

7)  The bathrooms. If you think the bar is grimy and dirty, just try to pee.  If you you did manage to scale the mountain, get through the haze of smoke, not get beat up, figure out how to order a drink and then hang out there for awhile eventually you would have to go to the bathroom.  Do you know what has happened in those bathrooms? We do! Think about as bad as you can and then some Courtney Love breakdown kinds of mess. Yeah. 

8)  The bands. There are bands there all the time. They want a cover. They are mostly terrible. So, not only will you be in mortal danger the entire time you are at Gooski's, you may have to listen to terrible music. So, why would you do that to yourself? 

9)  Do you like to dance?! There is no dancing at Gooski's. When there is not a loud band, there is a jukebox full of songs that you can't dance to. You will listen to sad angry indie music or old punk rock and you will hate it. You will have so much more fun somewhere else.   

10)  It is the only bar on Polish Hill that is not a possible heroin den. So, if you go all that way, your only other option would be even worse. Wouldn't you be happier at Industry or The Shady Grove or the whole fucking South Side? Have you heard about the South Side? There are, like, a billion bars there. Go there.

So, really, there is no reason why you should ever go to Gooski's. But, if you decide to go through all that just to have a drink, we'll see you there. 

(Sponsored by our friends in Polish Hill)

Address:	3117 Brereton St 15219	Games:	Pool, Ping Pong, Pinball
Façade:	Scary	Scene:	Hipster, Dive, Punk
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Nasty
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Awesome
Hours:	-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	12
Bathrooms:	Hover like you mean it	Specials:	Late Night
Live music:	Yes	Riley Factor:	$8.50
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	2	Size:	Average