Finn McCools

It was a dark and stormy night when we wandered into an Irish sports bar dedicated to a bad-ass Irish warrior, who gained his wisdom by tasting...the Salmon of Wisdom.  No shit.  

We aren’t quite sure what to make of this place. It’s huge. It has really nice woodwork, and a long bar with lots of additional seating. There are couches and plush chairs. There is also a really creepy mural. 

The night we were there, it was occupied by a bunch of older men drinking beers and playing Metallica. We’re pretty sure that this is not the normal state of affairs for this bar.

We did have a nice talk with the bartender, who was kind enough to offer us tastes of their blue raspberry slushy. It gave us both brain freeze.  J's happened after she made fun of A’s brain freeze, so it was especially fun for A. They were good enough for slushies. They also have a red bull slushy, to which you can add your choice of alcohol. Apparently, the freezing point of red bull is a tricky thing to work with. 

At any rate, it is a nice bar. A has watched hockey games there, and it has a great atmosphere for high-fives and yelling at the TV. So, don't avoid this place. It is ok. We are sure that it is packed and terrible on the weekend, but you made the choice to go to the South Side on the weekend. You already knew what you were getting into, and probably like that kind of thing.

Address:	1501 East Carson, 15203	Games:	Darts, Magic Touch
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Unknown
Parking:	Wear Walking Shoes	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	Some	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	5pm-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	10
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	$2.50 drafts
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$10.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	4	Size:	Normal

Luke Wholey's

Oh Luke.  We think your eyes might have been bigger than your stomach. 

If you’ve ever been to the strip district and wandered around on a Saturday, Luke Wholey was that guy running the grill out in front of Wholey’s Fish Market.  He made a name for himself with that grill and created a buzz about his cooking.   So he did what most aspiring food lovers would do given the opportunity and the money, he opened a huge restaurant.  

Luke did a great job hiring someone who did a great job on this build out.  The space is really amazing.  It’s huge, open, and comfortable. There are fish bowls with real fish on the tables. There’s an upstairs lounge area where they were casting Ciroq girls, and a second upstairs bar that looks like it should be in a Disaronno commercial. The staff was friendly and attentive, even though they were dressed up like monkey butlers. We didn’t eat anything, but we’re pretty sure the food is at least good and we bet they get a discount on their fish.  

As nice as it is, though it does smell like fish in there, we’re taking bets on how long it stays open. There is just no way. If it does last more than two years we’ll, well...we’ll eat there or something. It’s so poorly conceived. The size and the space just seem like too much. Is it a bar with tables with a fish theme?  Is it a club with a restaurant with a fish theme? Is it a restaurant with a club attached with a fish theme?  All we know for sure is there’s a fish theme.

So, go check it out!  Hurry, before they close! 

Address:	2106 Penn Ave. 15222 http://lukewholeys.com/	Games:	None
Façade:	Fishy	Scene:	Yuppie
Parking:	Bearable	Patio/Outdoor:	Patio
Kitchen:	Come Hungry	Cleanliness:	Very Clean
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	No
Hours:	Tuesday - Thursday 11:30 am - 9:00 pm Friday & Saturday: 11:00 am - 11:00 pm Sunday: 11:00 am - 4:00 pm	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Pricey	# taps:	12
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Happy Hour Discounts
Live music:	Nope	Riley Factor:	$10.00
ATM:	No	Cash Only	No
TVs:	5	Size:	Friggin Huge

Elixir Ultra Lounge

It was a dark and stormy night and we wandered into an Ultra Lounge...

Ultra Lounge. There is no way to say or read or hear that without it being douchey, right? Just sending you to their website should sum everything up: http://www.elixirpgh.com/ 

Sorry that we didn't warn you about the auto-play music, but it needs to be experienced in its full douchey glory.

We have to admit, Elixir is really very pretty. The actual bar is beautiful.  On our dark and stormy Wednesday evening it was completely empty, but you could still smell the Aqua Di Gio and self-tanner lingering from the previous weekend. As pretty as it is, it’s just so not our scene. It's expensive, has a dress code, VIP bottle service, and a valet. If you're looking to role play as P Diddy in 2003, this is your place. Otherwise, ugh.

Address:	1500 East Carson St, 15203  http://www.elixirpgh.com/	Games:	Ultra Absolutely Not
Façade:	Ultra	Scene:	Ultra Douche
Parking:	Ultra Valet	Patio/Outdoor:	Ultra No
Kitchen:	Ultra no food for you, fatty	Cleanliness:	Ultra Nice
Smoking:	Ultra Some	Jukebox:	Ultra Only House Music
Hours:	Ultra 5pm-2am	Cig Machine:	Ultra No
Drink Prices:	Ultra Richie Rich	# taps:	Ultra 8
Bathrooms:	Ultra Sit	Specials:	Ultra Happy Hour
Live music:	Ultra No	Riley Factor:	Ultra $13
ATM:	Ultra No	Cash Only	Ultra No
TVs:	Ultra 2	Size:	Ultra Average

Take a Break

We’re having trouble being unbiased about Take a Break, or TAB, as it’s called in our text messages. We feel obligated to give you, our semi-loyal readers, an honest assessment of what this bar is all about.   However, we’ve been going there for so long that we probably can’t.  So, we will try to start with how we think it actually is.

This place is a dive. It’s smoky and dirty. The bar area is cramped and the stools are full of permanent residents (Buy Sammy a shot!). The drinks are cheap and you can get a giant mug of beer that will make your hands seem small.  For $12 you can get two shots and two beers, so that’s not a bad thing.

There are two pool tables a half-flight up from the bar, which is one of the main selling points of TAB. Around the pool tables are some nice seating areas with a lot trophies along the walls. One of these trophies may have made its way around a certain group of people for a number of

years before it was returned, but we’re not naming names. There’s also a weird lower seating area a half-flight down on the left side of the bar. It kind of feels like you’re being punished when you’re down there.  When we have to, we hit up the ATM in the lower dungeon area as fast as possible.

We've had some great nights there: heated arguments between good friends, dance-offs, crazy antics, one-on-one quiet talks.  It’s a no judgment kind of place. It doesn't hurt that some of our favorite people in the world live a couple doors down. That probably makes us biased too.

At any rate, if you are looking for a crazy night out on the town, this is probably not the place for you. If you are looking to “take a break” from the world for an hour or two, this place will do just fine.

Address:	39th and Penn Ave, 15201	Games:	Pool, Magic Touch, Video Poker
Façade:	A Little Scary	Scene:	Yinzer Dive Bar
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Hot pretzels and frozen pizza	Cleanliness:	Kind of Dirty
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	Doesn't Matter	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Cheap	# taps:	4
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Yes
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$7.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	4	Size:	Average but cramped.

brillobox

Full disclosure: brillobox is J's favorite bar, so this is a completely biased review. 

It's not the perfect bar, but it comes pretty close. The booths are plush and comfortable, the bar is long and has a foot rail and purse hooks. The space is red and pretty, there is rotating artwork, the lights are perfectly dim. The bartenders are nice and always give a heavy pour on your drink. The tree above the bar changes with the seasons, as does the menu and beer selection. It is just the kind of bar that we like to hang out in and have a few several a lot of drinks. It's great for a quiet happy hour or for a long night full of whiskey. It's also the kind of bar that you can take your parents to for a drink and dinner. It fills a lot

of needs.

The upstairs space is definitely less gorgeous, but it has been the scene of some great times. We've been to fund raisers, drag shows, dance parties, rock shows and combinations of all of the above. In general, it's a sweaty mess, but that can be just what you need. Slip around in some spilled beer and sweat with your fellow Pittsburghers; it's good to be alive.

So, on to the downsides. The space downstairs is not great when it's crowded. It can be really obnoxious and hard to push through people to get a drink when it's full. They took away the tuna melt. That thing was the best and now it's gone. The bathrooms are less than ideal. The men's room is poorly laid out and smells like urine. The women's room is always freezing in the winter and J got stuck in it once when the door came off of its hinges. Bathroom renovations are expensive, but isn't that what kickstarter is for? We've got $5 on it.

Address:	4104 Penn Ave, 15224 http://www.brillobox.net/	Games:	None
Façade:	Not scary	Scene:	Older hipster
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Come Hungry	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	Awesome
Hours:	Tues-Sun 5pm-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	18
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Food and drink-sometimes
Live music:	Upstairs	Riley Factor:	$9
ATM:	No	Cash Only	No
TVs:	1	Size:	Average