William Penn Tavern

J: So, this seems like a fine bar. It’s tucked away off Walnut Street and has the lower prices to prove it. It’s a sports bar, for sure. Every available surface, including the ceiling, is covered in paraphernalia. And bobbleheads. Man, they have a lot of bobbleheads.

A: J, you obviously never spend any time in Shady Side. This is a campus frat bar. If you so much as walked past it on any given weekend night (I am talking college weekends, so Thursday through Sunday,) you would be appalled and run screaming.

J: Well yeah, there’s a reason that I don’t spend any time in Shadyside at all. I can only take so many popped collars at a time. You could say that about every bar in Shadyside. At least the beer is cheap here.

A: Not EVERY bar in Shady Side. Well, define Shadyside. Ellsworth has some nice spots, and what about Mardi Gras?  No popped collars in there. Do people even pop collars anymore?  I digress. The beer is cheap because they are serving it to college frat boys. I mean, I guess that is ok if that is what you are looking for, but I try to avoid that place at all costs. Why don’t you give the people a run-down of what the space looks like? I would probably be a bit too harsh.

J: They’ve got a mid-sized bar and a decent number of tables a half level down from the bar. What I’m guessing really sells the place though, is the patio. It’s got a separate bar out there and plenty of tables, and an awning protecting it from some of the elements. Plus, the patio has its own cheap beer specials.Who doesn’t like to buy beer by the bucket?

A: I don’t. I don’t like beer by the bucket. I’ll admit it.

J: Lies. I’ve seen you drink beer buckets and like it.

A: I’ll never admit it. You have no proof. Libel! I want to conduct an experiment. It will be called, “how long can J stay in William Penn Tavern on a Friday night.” 

J: The bartender was friendly. The beer selection was not extensive, but the beer was cold. It’s about as close to Yinzer as you’re going to get in Shadyside. It’s covered in some pretty tacky Pittsburgh graffiti art. I don’t know. I’m not mad at it.

A: (rolling eyes)

Address:	739 Bellefonte St, 15232 http://www.wmpenntavern.com/	Games:	Darts
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Shadyside Sports Bar
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	Yes
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None (outside smoking)	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	11am-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	10
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Nightly Cheap Beer
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$9.50
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	7	Size:	Normal

Silky's Pub

The Silky's in Bloomfield has a slightly better vibe than the one in Squirrel Hill,where we were offered our first and last bribe. They have shuffleboard and pinball so they made it into the "better than okay, but still not quite great" range, but no more than that.

It's hard to say what's missing here. They've got a decent beer selection. They've got some tables outside. They've got the aforementioned games. There's just something not quite right.

It has a slightly claustrophobic feel: too many tables, too many kitschy knickknacks. It looks like it was decorated by a drunk lady with a QVC card. The service is adequate, but not super. The food is decent bar food but not great. These are not ringing endorsements, but they're not censures either. 

Is it a bar that has a lot of tables and waitresses? Is it a small restaurant with a big bar? We just don’t know and it doesn’t seem that they do either. Our suggestion is to get rid of the tons of tables that no one ever uses cluttering up the floor. Put in a couple of high-tops with stools and, for goodness sake, take out half of the lights.  The bar area is nicely lit, but the table area is blinding.

If you can get a turn at the shuffleboard table or a nice table outside, we would recommend you check it out. Otherwise, there are better places to eat if you are looking for a restaurant and better places to drink if you are looking for a bar.

Address:	5135 Liberty Ave, 15224	Games:	Darts, Magic Touch, Pinball, Shuffleboard
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Bar Kitsch
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	Yes
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	12
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Nightly
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$10.50
ATM:	No	Cash Only	No
TVs:	8	Size:	Normal

Armand's

This is a dive-bar: cheap strong drinks, no frills, full of smoke and permanent fixtures on the barstools. They do a lot of take-out business in 40 ounces. It is dark and not clean. You should avoid the bathrooms at all costs. "A" almost gagged at the overwhelming smell of urine in the men's room, and he has been in some nasty bathrooms. Welcome to Armand’s: home of the famous fish sandwich.

 Now, it was late when we got there and we had already eaten that night, so we did not try this mythical fish sandwich. We have read great reviews about how this is a truly amazing sandwich. It is supposed to be freshly made, hand prepared and enormous to boot.

However, as intriguing as it may be to order a sandwich from a place that has been filled with a cloud of constant smoke since 1976, and lets its bathrooms smell like that, we think we will pass. Don't get us wrong, we have both eaten in many tiny smoke-filled dive bars. We are not snooty like that. But we draw a line for minimal sanitary standards in the places we eat, and Armand's definitely crosses that line. For all we know the kitchen is spotless and very clean, but as the saying goes, where there is smoke there is fire, and Armand's is full of smoke.

Address:	4755 Liberty Ave, 15224	Games:	None
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Dive
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	Bar Food	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	4
Bathrooms:	Hover	Specials:	Nothing noted
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$6.00
ATM:	No	Cash Only	Yes
TVs:	2	Size:	Normal

Lou's Little Corner Bar

J lived right around the corner from Lou's in her later college days and spent a lot of time in what was affectionately called, "Lou's Little Corner Shithole." The drinks were cheap and strong, the clientele laid back and local, the atmosphere dark and dingy enough for everyone to feel comfortable. A lot of good times were had there, stumbling distance from home.

When we tried to stop in a month or so ago the place was packed full. There was a hockey game on so that wasn't too surprising. What was surprising was the number of young punk kids in there. Had Lou's really changed that much?

When we went back on a non-hockey night, the answer was no. Lou's is still pretty much the same. It's cleaner and better lit than we remember, but the beer is still cheap, the clientele still live within stumbling distance, and the place is still smoky like a factory.

Other than the uptick in cleanliness and light, the only change we could see was that they now carry at least one "fancy beer" from Dogfish Head. There's something utterly charming about the drop ceilings, the handwritten notes on the walls, your grandma's old silk flowers in the bathroom, and the complete lack of pretense. This might not be a bar that we end up in often now, but if J still lived around the corner, we would still be there.

Address:	4924 Liberty Ave, 15224	Games:	Pool, Magic Touch, Video Poker
Façade:	A Little Scary	Scene:	Yinzer Punk Dive
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	Yes
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	1970's Pittsburgh	Jukebox:	Internet Crap
Hours:	-2am	Cig Machine:	Yes
Drink Prices:	Dirt Cheap	# taps:	4
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Happy Hour
Live music:	Never	Riley Factor:	$6.00
ATM:	Yes	Cash Only	No
TVs:	3	Size:	Hole in the Wall

Drum Bar

This is a casino bar. It is probably the only casino bar that we will review. It's set off on its own and seems to function primarily as a bar, rather than a place that is stuck in between some slot machines. Still, you probably would not come here unless you were already in the casino for some reason, let's be real.

It's an impressive space with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Ohio River and a second story balcony that circles almost the entire space. There is a large column of ever-changing light that hangs over the circular bar and gives the space a clubby feeling at night. The drinks are moderately priced and the service was pretty good. However, they did serve us our shots of Jameson in plastic cups, which is gross.

It's trying very hard to be a kind of upscale casino bar with DJs and synchronized light shows. There are lounge areas all around the bar for doofy looking dudes, and ladies in high heels to relax in. We are basing that information off of their promo picture, though. That is the image they're trying to sell you. When we were there, it was just your typical bunch of yinzers watching baseball and taking a break from gambling. We have heard that it is a very different scene at night.


The club thing may or may not be working for them, but we're not going there on a weekend any time soon to find out.

Address:	777 Casino Drive, 15212 http://www.riverscasino.com/pittsburgh/ entertainment/drum-bar/	Games:	Gambling
Façade:	Not Scary	Scene:	Yinzer Casino
Parking:	Easy	Patio/Outdoor:	No
Kitchen:	None	Cleanliness:	Normal
Smoking:	None	Jukebox:	N/A
Hours:	4pm-2am	Cig Machine:	No
Drink Prices:	Average	# taps:	10
Bathrooms:	Sit	Specials:	Happy Hour
Live music:	DJs on weekends	Riley Factor:	$9.00
ATM:	Nearby	Cash Only	No
TVs:	6	Size:	Normal